Who’s ya chap? Matt’s ya chap! Lees is the fella. The tree feller! Lees the Trees! A sweller fella I couldn’t describe, and if you love him as much as they say you do down the Liberal Club, you won’t be sycamore of his features than you usually get. He’s acorny guy sometimes, but he’s very poplar and he’s coming for you, just like he’s coniferous (coming for us).
Steve imagines a world in which we are firemens, Matt imagines a world in which the queen fabricates Russian-guage rail from her anus, and Log fails to write a Kinky Boots feature and tries to have a conversation instead
Matt’s been on holiday like a big lar-dee-dar, Steve is adamant that he isn’t there, Gavin seems keen to offend everyone, and Log is talking about his bumhole again. Congratulations, you are listening to Regular Features.
In this episode of Regular Features, Log reacts professionally to a bad review of his pub on TripAdvisor by reading the review out in a silly voice, Steve has some good ideas for new science fiction drama television show, and Matt has a go at being Gav by abusing a stranger over text message.
Sorry if this description isn’t very entertaining but I’ve got guests coming over and I literally have to clear away my sex toys before they get here.
It’s been a bad day, please don’t take a picture. Please, it’s my last picture. It’s the only remaining picture I have of my dead wife. Please, man who is repossessing my home because I am depressed and out of work, do not take this picture of my dead wife. It is worth nothing to you.
What’s that? Did this unassuming podcast description just unlock a cool and original new way of interpreting the lyrics to the song ‘Bad Day’ by REM? Yeah it did, you better believe it booyyyy.
This episode has Joe, Steve and Gav in it. Joe does a ouija board, Steve investigates alternate timelines and Gav badmouths a fish. Have fun.
With Log and Steve left to their own devices, what will happen in this – the first 100% gay episode of Regular Features? Will there be gay goings on? Will gay things occur? Will a gay bird fly into the room and make gay cawing sounds on the radiator? ANYTHING GAY COULD HAPPEN AND YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
Matt fills up the entire bloody podcast with a hunk of Sonic the Hedgehog filth. We’re entirely sorry and completely understand if you want your money back. You can’t have your money back, of course, but we can understand why that’s a thing you might want.
Don’t stop til you get enough, sang Michael Jackson. Enough is enough, sang Barbra Streisand. The world is not enough, sang Shirley Manson out of the band Garbage. Enough is as good as a feast, is a thing your mum might say. Un oeuf is French for “a egg”.
The point I’m trying to make is that it’s episode 126 of Regular Features and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. Log doles out gifts, Matt sets Gav up on simul-dates and Steve does that thing where you repeat the same joke over and over again until it stops being funny and then becomes funny again. Aw yeah, eat it up, here’s a fork.