One of those rare episodes where we couldn’t get together – which means you’ll have to imagine us reacting lovingly to each other. Or maybe you could react lovingly yourself, by laughing and smiling while we parade before your disbelieving faces, this series of monologues from three of your top five members of Regular Features!
Joe’s been spying on Uri Geller, Log’s investigated the new financial year but WHO CARES because there’s a missing beard to discuss!!
In this episode you will meet no fewer than three James Gandolfinis, no fewer than one Grapesalicious Bordain, and one more than none Matt Lees with a bunch of allergies sellotaped to his back.
Hello, this is Regular Features. Thank you for lending us your ears once again. Maybe this time you’ll get them back without a lot of gunky muck in them
Matt’s back, you guys! And when he’s not explaining in the most accurate terms why going skiing like he did is Tory af, he’s squealing in raw delight at Steve’s slogans for “International Sleep Day”, the marketing invention that can be used by a variety of products, such as Casper Mattresses, Philips SAD lamps, and your dad.
“Go to bed, son. It’s international sleep day and I absolutely can’t bear to look at you for another damn minute. Your limitless energy just makes me feel rotten and old.”
Anyway! Cram this bunch a business up ya, and don’t come running to us when your earbuds fly out!
Two men, over a hundred miles apart, coming up with two features about “the poop”? What are the odds of that happening? A million to one, right?
Would if effect your estimation if I told you that the three men appearing in this episode had to set up a WhatsApp group called “RF POOP SHOOTS” because Matt and Steve were, quite literally, sick of our shit?
Enjoy, and thanks to the wonderful Swan Levitt for sharing his tale of disgrace. The music for Tales of the Smear was Backbay Lounge and Stormfront from Incompetech. I call him Ryan McLeod but it’s Kevin. Sorry, Ryan. Kevin. Whatever
Joe wants to jump headlong with his long old head into the world of podcast-TV adaptation, with some Big Papa John. Steve has something extremely erudite and important to say about the Shamima Begum affair. Log demonstrates once again that he can’t stop thinking about sex but not, you know, properly.
By a lucky coincidence, all of us have had a reaction to some form of “media” this week. Log’s watched a TV show, Joe’s scrutinised a trailer, and Steve’s been in to see a film, and they’re ALL drinking whiskey out of a little glass submarine. That’s right, it’s time for another craaaaazy episode of Film 2019 with us, The Claudia Winklemens!
Log has bought everyone first class tickets to the strange and wonderful land of Fist World. Steve introduces us to the new political party of Westminster. And Joe introduces his ears to the incredible sounds of the London underground.
This week Gav brings you the news as per usual and Steve remembers an old cheat code which caused an old man to get his nips out. It’s a two-man back and forth that simply won’t stop
Nothing in this world is certain except Dale Winton coming at you with some celery, demanding you feed it to him, and then slapping it out of your hand and turning away coquettishly when you try to. And taxes.
In this episode you get both. Matt shares his Brexmageddon bunker shopping list. Log dreams about business. Steve offers encouraging commentary.